Introduction
In recent decades, the family has changed in form, structure, and relational experience. One emerging form is living apart together (LAT), where couples maintain a marital and emotional relationship but live in separate places. This affects many dimensions of family life, including childbearing decisions and parenting. In LAT families, childbearing is not only about whether to have a child; it also involves caregiving, the presence or absence of one parent, family responsibilities, and the role of the extended family.
In new social conditions, childbearing has become more than ever a matter of decision-making and reflexivity. Having or not having a child is no longer simply an inevitable fate; it can be part of the process of constructing and redefining one’s personal life. From this perspective, individuals may link the decision about childbearing to personal autonomy, career and educational goals, and their desired lifestyle. Smart emphasizes that choosing whether or not to have a child can be a sign of personal autonomy, investment in non-familial relationships, and an effort to pursue a different lifestyle. Thus, childbearing becomes part of the process of constructing and redefining personal life.
However, the decision about childbearing cannot be regarded merely as the product of individuals’ free and rational choice. Carter and Duncan emphasize that childbearing is shaped within a combination of cultural traditions, socio-economic pressures, and individual agency. Therefore, the decision whether or not to have a child in contemporary family life is a decision with broad consequences at the individual, familial, and social levels. This issue becomes more important in the case of living-apart couples, because couples decide about childbearing under conditions in which their permanent presence in a shared place is not possible, and this very situation can affect parenting responsibilities and the experience of parenthood.
Accordingly, the main problem of the present study is to examine the experience of childbearing among living-apart couples and to understand their ambivalence about having or not having a child.
Methodology
The present study was conducted using a qualitative approach and constructivist grounded theory as developed by Kathy Charmaz. The data were collected through Informational, Intensive and Investigative interviews with 22 living-apart couples (9 men and 13 women). The data were analyzed through three stages of coding: initial, focused, and theoretical, and NVivo 12 software was used for data analysis.

Findings
The findings indicate that childbearing among living-apart couples is not a simple individual decision but a complex, multilayered process shaped by cultural, social, economic, and individual factors. The core theoretical category is “the duality of desire and lack of desire for childbearing.” For some participants, having a child is a social and familial necessity and part of continuing shared life, despite the constraints of living apart. For others, it is a personal choice that must align with individual, occupational, and financial priorities.
This duality continues after childbirth through parenting challenges. The absence of one parent makes caregiving and education more difficult, especially for women, who often manage household duties, child care, and the child’s emotional and psychological needs. Extended family support, social resources, and remote communication help some couples manage distance and preserve family ties.
Childbearing and parenting are also linked to gender expectations. Traditional role divisions may reappear under pressure from couples, families, neighbors, and local culture, while economic conditions and the need for financial independence lead couples to negotiate childbearing and child care. For some mothers, employment is tied to identity, security, and independence, making the combination of family and individual roles a key concern.
Overall, the experience is interconnected at three levels: the decision before childbearing, parents’ experience after the child’s birth, and the child’s own experience of living apart. Thus, childbearing is not merely a point-in-time decision but an experience linking the couple’s decision, parenting practices, and the child’s experience.
Conclusion
The study shows that childbearing decisions among living-apart couples are not made in isolation but within family, cultural, and economic structures. Couples face constraints such as distance, economic pressure, traditional norms of motherhood and fatherhood, and social judgment, yet they exercise agency by negotiating between individual desires, life circumstances, and social expectations—consistent with Carter and Duncan’s agency–structure framework. In participants’ narratives, the child is dual: a source of meaning, continuity, and hope, but also of responsibility, anxiety, and exhaustion. After birth, childbearing becomes a matter of parenting and family organization; the absence of one parent increases burdens, especially for women, who must manage household duties, child care, and the child’s emotional and psychological needs, often relying on extended family and remote communication. Overall, childbearing and parenting form a challenging social, economic, cultural, and gendered field in which couples must balance presence and absence, family responsibility and individual priorities, and social expectations and actual conditions. This duality is not a sign of family weakness but a negotiation between individual and structure, tradition and modernity, and presence and absence. Policy should therefore move beyond merely encouraging higher birth rates to address diverse lifestyles, family support systems, gender justice in parenting, and emerging family forms such as living-apart couples.